The Family Without Our Girl

If you've been wondering how the rest of the family is prior to Carol's death, here's your answer. AWFUL. We are all a mess. We can't live without her. Justine, oh poor baby Justine, she fell apart. She has no big sister to go to anymore. She's now on her own. Nobody to say, "I'm your big sister" anymore. This world has fallen apart now that we've had to let go of our Carol. It's not easy to keep on moving. How can we even live? Carol will forever be missed. Without our girl, what do we do?

Nightmare Come True

The truth has finally set me. Carol Addison Fink isn't apart of this earth anymore. She is earth history. My angel has flown away from me. My beautiful girl. Why can't she be here? I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE MY NIGHTMARE!!!

Oh Carol, help me through it, will you? Will you look down upon me and tell me I'm doing okay. Will you comfort me when I need you? Will I ever feel you? Carol, nothing breaks me more than this nightmare come true.

Passed Away: Carol's Story

Life moves on. Things happen. You just have to move on from what is rough in life for you. Some things, you'll never be able to move from. You just can't get passed it. This is the hardest thing I've had to write in the history of Addison's Family and Life, but here it goes....

    Monday, March 10th 2014

 I woke Carol and Justine for the nursery, and then I got dressed. Carol hasn't said anything in days. Then she did. "Addi, I'm scared. I don't want to go." She didn't sound like her at all. I had to have her repeat herself so that I can know it's her. She said it again, like I was stupid. I picked her up. "Get through this day, and come right back home, okay?" I said. She nodded. Then, when we were leaving she began freaking out. She was crying, denying to go. "Stop Carol. You have to go." I said firmly. I picked her up and took her there. I told the nursery workers that she is fussy so they took her in and said they'll calm her down. I smiled and left. Now, Carol and Justine are at the nursery and I am set to get on with my day! Wish me luck with Carol for the rest of this day! Let's hope she isn't fussy later!

I thought that was the end of that rough day. But, little did I know, that it would get a lot worse than this...

At 1:30pm, I got a call from the middle of my class from Ms. Nalonan. I said to the teacher that it is very important, and luckily it was one of the teacher's who loves me, so she let me go. I ran out and answered. "Addison, get to the hospital immediately. Carol passed out at the nursery." She said. "What? What for-" I asked as she interupted me. "Get here now!" She said. I went back inside the class and told the teacher. She let me go to the hospital.

At 1:45pm, I arrived at the Los Angeles Children's Hospital. I sat down by Ms. Nalonan. "What happened?!" I asked. "Carol" she said. "Tell me everything" I said. "I don't know much" she said. I frowned. "But what I do know is, Carol was playing and then passed out and had a seizure. They tried to wake her up, but they couldn't so she was rushed here after they called me." She explained. I was almost crying, as I leaned my head into Ms. Nalonan. We were waiting and talking about Carol, praying, and sending her little messages in our imaginations.

At 2:30pm, or so, someone working on Carol came out and was talking to one of the ladies. I got up. "I'm Carol's mom. Is everything okay?" I asked, panicked. "She's doing great" she said and faked a smile, I could tell.

             4:02PM

The news was brought out by one of the doctor's who was talking to Carol. "Addison" he said. I got up and went over as Ms. Nalonan sat and waited. "While we were working on Carol, we saw the Malaria was spread, all over her." He explained. "And, we're very sorry to say this but..." he paused. "We can't keep working on Carol anymore. We can't do anything else, it would be just too cruel. I-I'm so sorry." He said. He touched my shoulder and left. I went and sat by Ms. Nalonan. "What happened?" She asked. I looked at her and then into the sky. "My baby is...." I said. I began to cry. Ms. Nalonan knew exactly what had happened. She knew Carol... died. "Oh Addison, I'm so so so so sorry." She said. "I'm okay" I said, wiping away all my tears. I got up. I went to the desk. "Can I see her?" I asked. The lady was confused. "Carol Addison Fink" I said, getting her on track. "Oh, umm, one second" she said looking for Carol in the computer. "Miss, um, Carol is-" she said. "I know she's dead." I said. She frowned. "Can I see her?" I asked firmly. "Tomorrow, Miss" she said, waiting for me to say my name. "Addison" I said. "Miss Addison, they still have stuff to do with her." She said. I walked away. I walked out. I went back home. I called Woody to pick up poor Justine who was still there an hour after she should've been picked up. Woody took her and went with her somewhere. I sat there and I cried on my bed. I looked at photos of her, and cried so hard. "Oh Carol, how!!!!!!" I screamed to myself. I cried all night. Nothing could revive my pain, just like nothing could revive Carol.

Rest In Heavenly Peace to my beautiful Carol Addison Fink. No matter what, we remember, we fight!

Dear Heaven's Angel Carol Addison Fink,

Carol, nothing pains me more than to know that you are gone. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to bring you back, pains me more than anything else in the world. I cannot take being without you. It's way too much! It's already been 3 almost 4 days! I'm so upset without you, honey girl! Please remember that we don't forget you!!! Woody misses you, Justine misses you, Bailey misses you, Ms. Nalonan misses you. I MISS YOU!!! Please, please, please come back to me!!!! NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS THIS PAIN!

My angel has finally flew away from us and to the Heavens. I miss her more than anything. She was my all. Carol Addison Fink, flew away from us. She's gone away from us now. Why can't I just have her back?

On March 10th 2014, this precious soul was lost from earth. She began an angel and flew away from us. My beautiful, oldest child, was struck with Malaria and was taken to Heaven. Carol Addison Fink. My angel girl. How did this happen to you? How can I even live?!

Carol Addison Fink, Malaria victim, at only 3 and 7 months

August 4th 2010-March 10th 2014

REST IN HEAVENLY PEACE MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

A Monday Wake Up

It's been an odd Monday wake up. I woke Carol and Justine for the nursery, and then I got dressed. Carol hasn't said anything in days. Then she did. "Addi, I'm scared. I don't want to go." She didn't sound like her at all. I had to have her repeat herself so that I can know it's her. She said it again, like I was stupid. I picked her up. "Get through this day, and come right back home, okay?" I said. She nodded. Then, when we were leaving she began freaking out. She was crying, denying to go. "Stop Carol. You have to go." I said firmly. I picked her up and took her there. I told the nursery workers that she is fussy so they took her in and said they'll calm her down. I smiled and left. Now, Carol and Justine are at the nursery and I am set to get on with my day! Wish me luck with Carol for the rest of this day! Let's hope she isn't fussy later!

Her Little Voice

I haven't heard Carol's little voice in so long it seems. Why can't I hear her little voice anymore? What happened to my baby girl? Shouldn't I be able to hear my own girl? I feel like I haven't heard it in weeks. It has been days, though.

I just hope that this little girl will bring her voice back and say something strongly, like the strong girl I know. Say something, Carol. What happened to your little voice?

She's Back On Track

Carol is back from the hospital and she is doing well! She returned with a watermelon popsicle and a smile on her face. "Hi, Carol" I said. She smiled. She didn't say a word. I'm worried. Why isn't she talking? I havenn't heard her voice for 2 days. She didn't talk yesterday, or today? Weird...

Welcome back Carol Addison Fink! You were missed for sure! Were glad to have you back! She's back and back on track!

The Overnight Causes

The hospital called and said Carol woke up! My baby woke up from her seizure! I am so happy! The only thing is, Carol has to stay overnight until March 9th 2014. Then I can do whatever I want with her. I can spend the entire 9th and 10th and 11th and 12th and so on with her! Thank God so much for her! THANK GOD.

I just hope she is okay tonight. Carol just has to stay strong. We'll keep going and we'll fight for her. This will only be tonight. Only tonight...

Life Support

Okay, Woody just gave me the worst news on Carol!!! She isn't dead, but she is on life support! They can't take her off it for a while. I'm so panicked for my baby!!!!

To Carol,
Carol, don't die on me like this. Okay, we can get through this together. Malaria is taking you down and you have no idea how much this breaks me. Don't let it shoot you down. You've gotta get back up and start again. Don't start again in Heaven. Make a new beginning here. Please girl! Please, sweet angel. Don't leave me like this. I've been panicked all night for you, so please don't leave us like this. Carol, we need you. I am praying so hard right now. Okay, I've got you. Tight in my arms, hold on sweetie.

I hope that Carol can be taken off life support so that she can come home with us, lay in her own bed, and go to sleep beside me. God, help her!

The Loss

I am really afraid right now. As soon as we got back from my friend's uncles, Carol and Justine wanted to play outside in the snow. So, my best friend Bailey and I took them out. They slid down the slides while Bailey and I talked on the swings. Suddenly, Justine said help. We rushed over to see Carol passed out at the bottom of the slide. I panicked and picked her up. Bailey picked up Justine and we rushed home. On the edge of the streets, we called 911 and they arrived there. They took Carol and we rushed Justine home. I began to write this. I've been panicked all night hoping my baby is okay. Please tell me she is okay.

If this is the day that I lose Carol, I'll be crushed. I'll be the most crushed person on earth without her. I've been praying all night to God that my angel will be alright. I haven't found out much yet, but I will later. They're still working on Carol. Let her survive. I don't want this to be the loss.

Another Swimming Trip

So, we just got back from another swimming trip! It was so much fun. I met this girl who really liked Carol and Justine and played with them with me. It was so much fun! Carol and I did our regular changeroom routine. We had so much fun tonight! There was no Surf N' Turf, but it was nice for the girls to experience both because they are both so much fun!

The trip brings me back to the one on my birthday with Carol. It was a little bit different. She wasn't as happy. But, I'm glad she was talking more than she has been in he past days. Well, that was our swimming trip! More are to come!

The Awesome Drive Up: Making Moments

I know that March 4th-April 29th has begun. I knew that on the car drive. Oh yeah, and were there! Haha! Forgot to say that! Um, so I did something with Carol. Her and I had my 3DS and we recorded our trip. We showed out the window, at the snow. We talked. We made a video about Woody! He talked and fed Carol and Justine's Monkey. It was really fun. The point is, I made moments with my Carol. That's all that matters!

Another Good Trip

I'm so happy to say that were taking another trip back up to the place where the swimming pool was and where it all began! I'm stoked to be taking Carol up again! Were leaving soon, so bye!

Fight Malaria for My Baby

This blog post is for my angel, Carol Addison Fink. A while ago, I made this video for her to help fight her Malaria.

Did you like the video? This is for my angel, Carol Addison Fink.

How She Is

Carol has been experiencing so many changes. She is barely herself. She is not talking often, and she seems so afraid. I can barely tell who she is anymore. Where's my angel gone to? Why isn't she her anymore?

Remember this? She never smiles like this anymore. She doesn't even let me touch her hair to make it look nice. She keeps it messy, and I send her places like that. She normally is so dressed up to go places. She usually never stayed in her pyjamas, even on a rainy day. She always looked her best.

This is usually how her hair is everyday. That day, she just was having too much fun to even bother with it. Now, she can't even do it for church! What happened?

How is she going to live life like this? I trust Ms. Nalonan that this is a phase from March to April, but I don't really know. How do I live my life with Carol like this?

Bath Time With Carol and Justine

Earlier, I bathed my two angels. I took my rainbow white-ish blanket and laid it on the floor. I took the fur real monkey in, and ran the bath. I brushed my hair and put my pink highlight robe on. I got Carol undressed and into her one which was the same as mine, and Justine into her purple one. They played with Monkey and then we got in the bath and turned off Monkey. I sat my the drain, because one of them could get easily hurt by banging on it, and they are rough girls. It was me then Carol then Justine. I washed myself, then them. I got them out and then we got in our PJ's. I sent them to bed.

I love bathing with Carol and Justine. It's just more memories and bonds for us to have together. It's really great to bath with them and share a bond over that. That was bathing with my girls.

Ice Cream with Carol and Justine

Today, to brighten the mood of changes, I took Carol and Justine for a little bit of ice cream at DQ. Yes, I am aware that it is winter. But anything for my Carol and Justine. They both got dilly bars. They love them. They have loved them since Summer 2013. Justine ate hers up, and Carol didn't touch hers. What happened to my non-picky eater? "Carol, are you going to have your ice cream?" I asked. "No, I'm not hungry." Carol responded. I stared at little Justine, smiling so big, with a dirty chocolate ice cream face. It really brightened me. I got a napkin and wiped my girl. She laughed and giggled. Carol just sat there and watched us. I took the ice cream home and into the freezer. I plan on trying to offer it to Carol again, or just giving it to Justine in a few days. That was our dilly bar ice cream trip!

Changes -What's Happening-

Carol has been changing. It's odd and a little bit scary. I still see herself inside of her. Carol's little inspirational, life fixing, self is still there. She seems so nervous. All of her clothes and jackets and blankets are torn up. She's been picking at them because she is nervous. Lately, she's been waking up late. Normally she wakes up at 7:00am on weekdays, and on weekends at 8:00am. Now she wakes up at 10:00am to 11:00am on weekends, but on weekdays, she has no choice but to wake up at 7:00am. But she is really tired and worn out. I don't know what is happening. Why isn't she her old self?

She needs to just be herself again! This isn't Carol. Where did my Carol go? Why is she changing so much? Ms. Nalonan tells me it's her instinct that until March and April are over, she'll be afraid and she'll change. So, she's not going to be her for months? What's happening...

The March Arrival!

March 1st 2014 is offically here. Addison's Family and Life is no longer February! This month, I'm going to make blog posts just like last month. Life stories. How this whole thing with Malaria and Carol goes. All about baby Justine growing up to be a big girl! Carol's growing too! HAPPY MARCH TO YOU ALL.

Happy official March from Addison and the whole family! I hope this is an amazing month for you, just as it will be for me!