Update : Justine!

I've been away for quite some time,  so I'd like to take a little bit of time to fully update you on Justine Bailey Fink! She's now 3 as you all know if you read my Update post. Her hair is quite long now, we haven't really cut it, which both Woody and I like because Carol's hair wasn't very long, so that's something that makes them their own! She's stopped making up words and actually speaks English now! I also take her to France sometimes because I'm from there, and she can say a few French words! She's still really close to Woody, but after letting go of Carol, she's been drawn closer to myself, and we've been very close for the past years. She loves seeing the Malarian children. She enjoys playing with them and telling them stories about Carol! She's really good to them, considering a lot of them are younger than her. She treats the older children with respect, also. Justine has grown out of the phase where all she wears is purple. She'll wear any colour now. Justine is not very intelligent. Carol was very smart, Justine, not so much. She's a cry baby & a bit of a troublemaker. She causes me a lot of grief, but I love her. She has a poor memory, so sometimes, I have to remind her who Carol is and the fact that she has a sister. I'd really love to give Justine a sibling, but that just can't happen. That involves adoption, paperwork, or....ya know... which is a no no in our house. Speaking of house, we still live on a cruise ship! Justine never gets sea sick which is great! She does get sick though, it's in her blood, but the cause is never the fact that we're on a cruise ship. 

Justine is not really shy, only when you first meet her. So if you ever do meet her, don't worry about first impressions from her. In the long run is what matters most to her! Justine is independent. She is in the "I can do it on my own" phase. She wants to do everything by herself. 

Justine has always had a close relationship with my friend, Bailey. Notice her middle name is Bailey. That's where it's from! She's close with Cody, Maya, Maddie, and Zack too. We all adore her. Even Zack who has bad history with Carol, who Justine would hurt if anyone talked bad about her big sister. 

That's basically an update on Justine. 💜

Updated!

Good afternoon! It's Addison, back & ready to blog again and again! I've been taking a while off of blogging because of everything we've gone through. First off, we had to watch our beautiful Carol die, then Justine enters her terrible twos months later, it's all been a difficult time range, but I've decided to get back on schedule! Justine turned three on September 24, 2015. Carol should be 5 years old now. We celebrated Carol's birthday on August 4. Justine is the same age that we knew Carol which makes things a bit difficult on Woody and I. She basically acts almost the same as Carol, besides for the fact that Carol had Malaria in her third year. It's sort of making me nuts, to be completely honest. But she's really growing into her own person, really. She has her own personality! She's stopped saying that made up word all the time! I remember that phase when Carol was still around. She's grown out of that, thankfully. It kind of got annoying, not hard to believe. She's doing really well and so are Woody and I! All of our friends too, of course! 

Now, I manage my new business called CCA which stands for Curing for Carol Association. We fundraise to find a Malaria cure for Carol's name, and we treat and look after children with Malaria. We also look into them to see what is happening with them to see what really killed Carol in her Malaria. Yeah, Carol's death was ruled unknown. Apparently a Malaria attack can't happen. It has to be overtime or you'll know hours before. It doesn't really just happen suddenly. Anyway, I'm really excited with my new company! CCA has already made 1000 dollars over the year! It's pretty great! I'll keep you updated always! Thanks for reading today! Make sure to visit Carol's memorial site to say a little hello to her today! :)

The Family Without Our Girl

If you've been wondering how the rest of the family is prior to Carol's death, here's your answer. AWFUL. We are all a mess. We can't live without her. Justine, oh poor baby Justine, she fell apart. She has no big sister to go to anymore. She's now on her own. Nobody to say, "I'm your big sister" anymore. This world has fallen apart now that we've had to let go of our Carol. It's not easy to keep on moving. How can we even live? Carol will forever be missed. Without our girl, what do we do?

Nightmare Come True

The truth has finally set me. Carol Addison Fink isn't apart of this earth anymore. She is earth history. My angel has flown away from me. My beautiful girl. Why can't she be here? I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE MY NIGHTMARE!!!

Oh Carol, help me through it, will you? Will you look down upon me and tell me I'm doing okay. Will you comfort me when I need you? Will I ever feel you? Carol, nothing breaks me more than this nightmare come true.

Passed Away: Carol's Story

Life moves on. Things happen. You just have to move on from what is rough in life for you. Some things, you'll never be able to move from. You just can't get passed it. This is the hardest thing I've had to write in the history of Addison's Family and Life, but here it goes....

    Monday, March 10th 2014

 I woke Carol and Justine for the nursery, and then I got dressed. Carol hasn't said anything in days. Then she did. "Addi, I'm scared. I don't want to go." She didn't sound like her at all. I had to have her repeat herself so that I can know it's her. She said it again, like I was stupid. I picked her up. "Get through this day, and come right back home, okay?" I said. She nodded. Then, when we were leaving she began freaking out. She was crying, denying to go. "Stop Carol. You have to go." I said firmly. I picked her up and took her there. I told the nursery workers that she is fussy so they took her in and said they'll calm her down. I smiled and left. Now, Carol and Justine are at the nursery and I am set to get on with my day! Wish me luck with Carol for the rest of this day! Let's hope she isn't fussy later!

I thought that was the end of that rough day. But, little did I know, that it would get a lot worse than this...

At 1:30pm, I got a call from the middle of my class from Ms. Nalonan. I said to the teacher that it is very important, and luckily it was one of the teacher's who loves me, so she let me go. I ran out and answered. "Addison, get to the hospital immediately. Carol passed out at the nursery." She said. "What? What for-" I asked as she interupted me. "Get here now!" She said. I went back inside the class and told the teacher. She let me go to the hospital.

At 1:45pm, I arrived at the Los Angeles Children's Hospital. I sat down by Ms. Nalonan. "What happened?!" I asked. "Carol" she said. "Tell me everything" I said. "I don't know much" she said. I frowned. "But what I do know is, Carol was playing and then passed out and had a seizure. They tried to wake her up, but they couldn't so she was rushed here after they called me." She explained. I was almost crying, as I leaned my head into Ms. Nalonan. We were waiting and talking about Carol, praying, and sending her little messages in our imaginations.

At 2:30pm, or so, someone working on Carol came out and was talking to one of the ladies. I got up. "I'm Carol's mom. Is everything okay?" I asked, panicked. "She's doing great" she said and faked a smile, I could tell.

             4:02PM

The news was brought out by one of the doctor's who was talking to Carol. "Addison" he said. I got up and went over as Ms. Nalonan sat and waited. "While we were working on Carol, we saw the Malaria was spread, all over her." He explained. "And, we're very sorry to say this but..." he paused. "We can't keep working on Carol anymore. We can't do anything else, it would be just too cruel. I-I'm so sorry." He said. He touched my shoulder and left. I went and sat by Ms. Nalonan. "What happened?" She asked. I looked at her and then into the sky. "My baby is...." I said. I began to cry. Ms. Nalonan knew exactly what had happened. She knew Carol... died. "Oh Addison, I'm so so so so sorry." She said. "I'm okay" I said, wiping away all my tears. I got up. I went to the desk. "Can I see her?" I asked. The lady was confused. "Carol Addison Fink" I said, getting her on track. "Oh, umm, one second" she said looking for Carol in the computer. "Miss, um, Carol is-" she said. "I know she's dead." I said. She frowned. "Can I see her?" I asked firmly. "Tomorrow, Miss" she said, waiting for me to say my name. "Addison" I said. "Miss Addison, they still have stuff to do with her." She said. I walked away. I walked out. I went back home. I called Woody to pick up poor Justine who was still there an hour after she should've been picked up. Woody took her and went with her somewhere. I sat there and I cried on my bed. I looked at photos of her, and cried so hard. "Oh Carol, how!!!!!!" I screamed to myself. I cried all night. Nothing could revive my pain, just like nothing could revive Carol.

Rest In Heavenly Peace to my beautiful Carol Addison Fink. No matter what, we remember, we fight!

Dear Heaven's Angel Carol Addison Fink,

Carol, nothing pains me more than to know that you are gone. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to bring you back, pains me more than anything else in the world. I cannot take being without you. It's way too much! It's already been 3 almost 4 days! I'm so upset without you, honey girl! Please remember that we don't forget you!!! Woody misses you, Justine misses you, Bailey misses you, Ms. Nalonan misses you. I MISS YOU!!! Please, please, please come back to me!!!! NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS THIS PAIN!

My angel has finally flew away from us and to the Heavens. I miss her more than anything. She was my all. Carol Addison Fink, flew away from us. She's gone away from us now. Why can't I just have her back?

On March 10th 2014, this precious soul was lost from earth. She began an angel and flew away from us. My beautiful, oldest child, was struck with Malaria and was taken to Heaven. Carol Addison Fink. My angel girl. How did this happen to you? How can I even live?!

Carol Addison Fink, Malaria victim, at only 3 and 7 months

August 4th 2010-March 10th 2014

REST IN HEAVENLY PEACE MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

A Monday Wake Up

It's been an odd Monday wake up. I woke Carol and Justine for the nursery, and then I got dressed. Carol hasn't said anything in days. Then she did. "Addi, I'm scared. I don't want to go." She didn't sound like her at all. I had to have her repeat herself so that I can know it's her. She said it again, like I was stupid. I picked her up. "Get through this day, and come right back home, okay?" I said. She nodded. Then, when we were leaving she began freaking out. She was crying, denying to go. "Stop Carol. You have to go." I said firmly. I picked her up and took her there. I told the nursery workers that she is fussy so they took her in and said they'll calm her down. I smiled and left. Now, Carol and Justine are at the nursery and I am set to get on with my day! Wish me luck with Carol for the rest of this day! Let's hope she isn't fussy later!

Her Little Voice

I haven't heard Carol's little voice in so long it seems. Why can't I hear her little voice anymore? What happened to my baby girl? Shouldn't I be able to hear my own girl? I feel like I haven't heard it in weeks. It has been days, though.

I just hope that this little girl will bring her voice back and say something strongly, like the strong girl I know. Say something, Carol. What happened to your little voice?